Speaking My Opinion in Semi-Love

I often quote the verse in Ephesians four that says we are to “speak the truth in love.” I quote it because I have a tendency to avoid doing this in one of two ways.

One way is I avoid a potential conflict altogether. This usually is not healthy because I don’t grow through avoidance and the issues rarely resolve themselves (they just become more difficult to deal with).

My second (and equally bad) way of dealing with issues is to attempt to sneak in through the side door – better known as passive-aggressive.

The reality is conflict is a necessary part of life. If we always agreed about everything there wouldn’t be challenges, learning and growth. We just need to handle conflict in healthy ways – which is why the Bible tells us to speak the truth in love.

But, here’s what I realized last week – I often speak my opinion in semi-love, under the guise of speaking the truth in love. What’s the difference? Well, there are many, but here are two:

1. My opinion really doesn’t matter unless it lines up with the truth;

2. I used the term “semi-love” because there’s usually something in it for me (selfishness).

If I am to speak the truth, I first must know the truth. As a Christ-follower, I believe the Bible is the basis for truth. So, unless what I am saying is in line with what the Bible teaches, it’s not truth.

The “in love” means my primary reason for speaking is to build the other person up. If I’m attempting to get my way or build myself up, then I’m not truly speaking in love.

So, how about you? Do you speak the truth in love? How do you think we can all get better at truly building others up?

/D

American Idol

An interesting thing hit me the other night as my wife and kids were watching American Idol. I do catch bits and pieces (especially if I like the song they’re singing), but I cannot say I’m an avid fan.

Anyway, what I was thinking about is which of the “judges” is the most credible?

While Randy can be pretty up front, he usually sugar coats his critique a bit. I’m convinced Paula’s up there just to make everyone feel better (even those who can’t sing at all). And the man everyone loves to hate – Simon – is probably also the one whose opinion matters the most. Why?

Because he tells it like it is. I think he can be over the top and doesn’t always know when enough is enough, but the bottom line is, what Simon says (ha, that’s punny) really does carry the most weight.

So, what’s my point? Those who just lay it out there will usually have the most influence. As per my last post, I think we can “lay it out there” in a loving way, but lay it out there we must (if we want people to truly hear us).

I’d much rather deal with a few barbs from someone who I know will shoot straight with me, then be with someone who I never really know what they’re thinking (that gets really frustrating). Personally, I need to find the courage to just speak the truth and make sure my motives are pure so I can do it in love.

/D

Speaking the Truth in Love

So, what does it mean to speak the truth in love? I thought I knew what this meant, but now I’m not so sure. We use terms like “tough love” to explain when we have to say or do difficult things that we know others won’t like. Of course, we do them because we truly care. If we didn’t care, we certainly wouldn’t do things to cause “trouble” (at least people like me who avoid conflict wouldn’t do it).

But what happens when we’re struck with a realization that something’s wrong? Do we stand up and say so? Do we beat around the bush and hope others figure out what we really mean? Do we only say the nice things in hopes the errors will correct themselves?

Or does real love call us to point out what we see and let the chips fall where they may? Who knows, we may come to realize we misunderstood or did not have the full picture – and then we can correct our view. Or, we may be the catalyst that was needed to really get things going in the right direction.

Okay, people, let me hear from you! [Post your thoughts by clicking the comments area below - you can use the Anonymous options to post without a Blogger account]

/D

More Thoughts on VT

As we all continue to go through the array of emotions that follow something like the shootings at VT, it's natural that we will be a different places emotionally.

Some of you are very angry;
Some are deeply grieved;
Some of you are still in shock;
Some of you are already beginning to tire of the news and move on.

And there are many many more places you may be emotionally. All of this is natural and normal.

But here's a thought: for a society who seems to continue to move further away from ideas such as - there is an absolute truth - we sure seem to all agree how horrible Cho's actions were. Maybe I should explain that a little more. We live in a world where many people have come to the conclusion there is no one truth. What works for you is fine for you, it may or may not work for me and that's okay.

But if this is true (or is there no such things as absolute truth - hmm), then why would we all agree that the actions of Cho are so wrong, so evil? My point is simply this - there is a right and wrong, there is good and evil, there is absolute truth. Therefore, as we continue to mourn and to slowly heal, will we recognize that there is such a thing as truth? And will we allow ourselves to think about the One who is Truth.

As we've seen across the country and the world - spirituality is alive and well. People who barely know each other gather together for prayer. It's times like these that we will either blame God or lean on God (sometimes both).

In my own personal life tragedies - I've found that while it's easy to blame God, the truth is God is love, God grieves over evil, and God is able to provide comfort far greater then we think is possible. I believe our natural emotions are God-given and therefore, we do not need to ignore them or supress them. At the same time, we can find peace that passes understanding in a God who truly cares.

Gather close to family and friends and let them know you love them. And draw close to God and He we draw close to you.

/D

I Promise To Tell The Whole Truth

We’ve all heard that before – “I promise to tell the whole truth…” I’ve said, “If it’s not the whole truth, it’s not the truth.” Now, I have a question – Is this always true?

This Christmas has been one of a couple of “surprise” gifts. I love being a part of surprising people with good things that make them happy. However, the whole nature of a “surprise” is that it must remain a secret until the time comes for it to be revealed. This leads to… well… many “almost” the truth, but not the whole truth, type of conversations.

Is that wrong?

Somehow I think there is a danger of legalism here in that we cannot ever have fun and surprise people based on the need for always telling the entire truth. But, certainly there are many other times where there is no surprise involved, we simply don’t want to deal with the whole truth.

I guess it depends – some may call this “situational ethics,” but I do not believe that’s a fair label for this situation. In the end, the half truth is for the other person’s benefit (a fun surprise) not trying to save our own tail because the whole truth would reveal wrongdoing on our part.

So, have fun! Surprise others and make them smile. Don’t be legalistic and miss the spirit of the principle. The truth is – we know when we need to tell the whole truth and when we can keep a secret for the benefit of a surprise.

I hope some of you had some great surprises this Christmas!